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It's Not Real

The small boy stood, staring at the grave. Tears ran down his face. It wasn't right, it just wasn't. Nothing was ever right for him. His blonde hair was ruffled by the wind, and he looked up to the sky, caught in his memories. This shouldn't have happened. His entire life he barely even existed. It was all he remembered. He had no friends, everyone around him though he was strange. He barely knew his father. He had been forced to leave the boy's mother long ago. His mother had shown him only false love, pretending that she had cared about him, but always he knew that she didn't really feel it. She couldn't even if she wanted to. She just continued to pretend. It had hurt so much knowing that she wasn't able. So the boy continued to live without it. Then one day, She came along. She stayed with him, and she did something that seemed impossible. She loved him. She loved him and the boy couldn't understand. He had spent so long being hated and despised. Neglected and unloved even by those who were closest to him. Yet here She was, caring about him, loving him.
      "It can't be real!" his mind screamed, "It's not supposed to be real. Everyone hates me. I've never been loved. I've never felt happiness. I am alone, that's all I know how to be. No one can love me. If I am loved, then what am I supposed to be? WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO BE?" He didn't know the answer. He hadn't ever been happy before, yet now he was, and at the same time it hurt again. How could he be loved? He was unlovable, untouchable, and undesireable. It wasn't possible.  As he stared at the grave, and a new wave of tears ran down his face. The anguish was too great. Finally, the diggers threw the last shovelful of dirt onto the mound. People began to walk away. Leaving the 11 year old boy alone. He couldn't be loved. Even now he didn't believe it, though She had loved him. It couldn't be real. It was never real. Finally he stood, and looked one last time. Even now, with all the crying faces he didn't see it, didn't feel it. The tears shed had meant nothing to him. He was broken inside. He had spent too long feeling nothing. Dying in his suffering. He turned and walked away, fading into nothing as She laid flowers on his headstone.
This is one of my first real writings. I wrote it a long time ago, and I came across it recently. It's not as good here as it was on the paper. I don't have it with me so I had to copy it down by memory. The story is actually about me. When I was 11 I was suicidal. I suffered a lot from a mother who damanded nothing but perfection for her love and a step-father who was the same. I tried so hard for so long to make them happy. To this day I still haven't gotten it right. I'm 16 now, and I see things differently. I got friends that saved me from the dark, and though I still hurt sometimes, I know I have people there for me. I realized that my mother and step-father didn't know how to show me they loved me, and I've come to accept that, though it hurts. I know my father much better now, and he is one of my greatest pillars of strength. I love him so much. This story is what would have happened had I not been saved, so thank you Drew, Jessie, and even Bethany though our friendship is over. Thank you dad and William, I love you both so much. Thank you Aaron, I didn't know you for long, but you were very important to me. I wish you were still here. You all saved me from the pain in my life. Though it's not gone, I didn't succumb to it and I never will. I will never be that little 11 year old boy ever again.
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Just-Yug Featured By Owner Jul 8, 2008  Student Writer
Wow this was great...I could understand the feelings so well...very very nice...
black-halo69 Featured By Owner Nov 7, 2007
Wow, this one brought tears to my eyes, I can SO relate to the feelings you conveyed in this. You should be very proud of this, I hope you write more and more, I will keep on reading!! :+fav:
sackermanmo Featured By Owner Nov 5, 2007  Professional Writer
I keep coming back to this. Again and again. I'm just floored by the writing, but even moreso by you. Pity they don't have a "proud" emoticon.
Fluey Featured By Owner Nov 4, 2007
Wow... this is so cathartic.

I really like it. It's strange... it makes me feel sad when I stopped reading it; generally, I don't feel any emotions whatsoever.

Anywho, I really love it.
Multiminded Featured By Owner Nov 5, 2007
I guess that's how it's supposed to make you feel. It was a relief to write. Thanks for the compliment. :w00t:
Fluey Featured By Owner Nov 5, 2007
You're welcome ^^
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Submitted on
October 28, 2007
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